When You Do the Work but No One Sees You: The Quiet Pain of Being Overlooked in Leadership
I want to talk about something many women in leadership experience, but don’t always have language for.
Feeling invisible. Overlooked. Undervalued.
If you’ve ever poured your heart, time, and energy into your work only to feel like no one noticed, this is for you.
The Moment I Realized How Deep This Ran
At the time, I was working as an advisor and mentor for a prestigious scholarship program at a university. I worked closely with about fifteen students, many of them first-generation college students, supporting them outside the classroom.
I helped with study strategies, time management, navigating college life, roommate conflicts, racism and discrimination they were experiencing, and the quiet emotional weight of being the first in their family to walk this path. I was their go-to person. Their consistent support. The person ensuring they didn’t fall through the cracks.
I loved that job. I believed deeply in those students, and I poured myself into supporting them.
Each year, the program hosted a scholarship day. Alumni donors, university leaders, deans, student affairs professionals, finalists interviewing for the scholarship, and their families all gathered together. It was a big deal. Important people filled the room.
One year, during the luncheon, the person leading the program began making introductions.
University leaders were acknowledged.
The scholarship finalists stood and introduced themselves.
Current students in the program were recognized.
My supervisor was introduced.
And then… it moved on.
I was the only person in the room who was not introduced. The only one.
The Hurt That Lingers After the Moment Passes
I don’t believe I was intentionally left out, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
I felt invisible.
I felt overlooked.
I felt deeply undervalued.
On one hand, I was doing the day-to-day work that kept the program running. I was the person on the ground, walking alongside the students, helping ensure their success. And yet, I didn’t receive a single moment of acknowledgment that day.
I remember leaving that luncheon feeling profoundly invisible.
Not just because of what happened that day, but because it reinforced a story I’d carried for much of my life: No matter how hard I work, no matter how well I do my job, it won’t be enough to be seen.
Looking Back Now…
Years later, when I reflect back on that moment, something important stands out.
While I don’t believe others meant to overlook me, I now ask myself a harder question: In what ways was I overlooking and undervaluing myself?
I hadn’t made my contributions visible. I hadn’t asserted my presence. I had told myself the familiar story so many women are taught to believe:
“It doesn’t matter if I get recognition.
What matters is that the students know I support them.
That’s enough.”
And slowly, quietly, that belief caused me to shrink even further into the background.
I wasn’t just being overlooked; I was participating in my own invisibility.
Why This Happens to So Many Women
This wasn’t the only time I’d felt this way.
I’m naturally more reserved. More soft-spoken. Often younger than others in the rooms I’ve worked in. I was taught to be humble. To not draw attention to myself. To put my head down, do good work, support others, and be kind.
And while those qualities absolutely have value, they don’t always serve us when it comes to leadership.
So many women have been socialized to believe:
Don’t make yourself the center of attention
Don’t brag
Don’t take up too much space
Let your work speak for itself
But here’s the truth: work doesn’t speak unless we help it be heard.
Leadership requires presence. Visibility. Ownership of impact.
Taking Up Space Is Not Arrogance
I often wonder what would have happened if I’d raised my hand during that luncheon and said:
“I’d love to quickly introduce myself too.
I work with these students day-to-day, and this program means so much to me.
If you have questions today, please come find me.”
Even if nothing changed externally, doing that would have sent a powerful message to myself internally:
You are seen. You are important. You deserve recognition. You deserve to take up space.
An Invitation
If you’ve ever felt invisible in your leadership…
If you’ve ever wondered why your contributions go unnoticed…
If you’ve ever told yourself recognition “doesn’t matter” while quietly feeling the sting of being overlooked…
I invite you to reflect on these questions:
Where might you be minimizing yourself?
Where might you be waiting for permission to be seen?
And what would it look like to value yourself just a little more openly?
Because leadership isn’t just about serving others, it’s also about allowing yourself to be visible, valued, and fully present in the room.
You don’t have to shrink to be kind.
You don’t have to disappear to be humble.
And you don’t have to earn the right to take up space.
