At its core, people-pleasing isn’t inherently bad. It comes from something deeply human: our need to be liked, accepted, and to belong. Those are fundamental social needs that keep us connected to others.

But here’s the problem, when that need becomes so loud that we start sacrificing our own voice, needs, and ideas to meet it, we begin to lose a sense of belonging to ourselves.

A few years ago, I stepped into a role that felt impossibly big.

I joined the federal government as a faculty member with the Federal Executive Institute in the Center for Leadership Development. In this role I was tasked with developing leadership capacity of senior executives across federal agencies like NASA, USDA, FDA, NSA, and others. I was young compared to the rest of our team. I was new to government. I looked different than everyone else in the room.

And very quickly, I realized I stood out. Not just a little.

Unicorn-level stood out.